Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
