Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
