I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
