Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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