maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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