How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Randomize
