i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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