how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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