The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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