Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
