I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
