Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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