Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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