somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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