my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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