Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
