Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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