you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
