take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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