is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
