Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
