...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
