I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
