i need an iv and a liver transplant
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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