its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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