i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
