can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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