dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
