So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
