her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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