I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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