I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
