This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
