I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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