Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
