Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
