By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
