We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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