How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
