arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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