yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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