I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
