yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
