so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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