would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
