we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
