____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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