YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
