Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
