yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How's work?
Spinning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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