i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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