Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
